people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I cut my penus on the lid.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
