My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Randomize
