so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
