...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
