We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
