it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Randomize
