I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
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