i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
