Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
