Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
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