I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Randomize
