I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
