Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
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