Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
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