If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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