woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
