I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I just found a bag of teeth...
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
