i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Randomize
