can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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