Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
