I think I am morally bankrupt
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
