Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
