We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
