why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
