im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
