This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
