her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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