and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
