Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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