taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
