he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
My vagina is very pro this idea
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
