I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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