you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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