She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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