I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
