can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize