I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
