no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Randomize
