Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
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