WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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