I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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