Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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