so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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