Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
