Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
