that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
