R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
