Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
My penis needs a shock collar
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
