its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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