proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
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