I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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