with your own penis?
You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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