ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
