Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Randomize
