She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
