I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
