She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
