I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
