since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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