I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
