Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize