one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
