Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I would ride that face into the sunset
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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