Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Sorry my hands just texted you
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
