Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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