The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Randomize
