Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
