giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
