Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Randomize
