I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
